Twice in a single two week period must be some kind of modern miracle.
Funny thing happened...I was cleaning the kitchen and came across a bag of cheesy poofs. Oh yes. Which of course reminded me of my Myspaz original "Ode to Cheesy Poofs". Nothing would do then, of course, but to go to Myspaz, find the Ode, and post it here. It's actually almost as funny now as it was when I wrote it the first time. At least, it makes me snort coffee out my nose, so I'm calling it good.
Ode to Cheesy Poofs
Orange lips never looked so good
Pursed, in full and salty-greasy glory
At my reflection in the mirror
You can tell from the orange on my fingertips
And the smudges, maybe, on my jeans
That I have been naughty
Let us not forget L'il Smokies
Tiny, tasty sausages, swimming in fat,
Cradled in grease. Yummy!
I wrap them in a paper towel
In a vain effort to reduce cholesterol
(To no visible effect).
And of course no more french fries
No more deliciously golden, delicate crispiness
To delight my nose and tastebuds
Salt-encrusted and dripping in ranch
No more shall they cross my salivating palate
Oh, the tragedy.
Oh! Doritos and french onion dip
My sad eyes linger longingly on you
Whilst I traverse the supermarket
Glumly gazing at my healthy cucumbers
Broccoli, skim milk, low fat, non fat, non salt
These can never take your place, my loves
O cheesy poofs, O cheesy poofs, why can't you just be healthy?
More non-fat, more slimming, less messy, less salty,
Less likely to pack yourselves upon my hipbones
I miss your sweet, seductive whisper.