Friday, January 2, 2009

so there

Resolution for the new year: stop handing control of my situation to other people.

GoodMan, who now REALLY needs a new name, has really kind of pushed me past my limit. My tarot card reading the other day counseled temperance...but I am having a really hard time feeling the love right now.

After several cases where he's conveniently forgotten to return my calls, or flat out ignored my emails and texts, I confronted him yesterday about what sort of bug, exactly, he has up his ass.

Apparently, he's not ready to discuss it. That as soon as he is, we can sit down and talk. That yes, he's mad, though not as mad as he was, and when he's ready, we'll talk.

Two months from when he started acting like a jackass, and "when he's ready, we'll talk."

This kind of behavior is exactly why I left him in the first place. He is a good man with a good heart but has this thing where when he's mad about something, he will give you the silent treatment until he's ready. Frankly, at 34 years old, and a MALE, I would think he'd be beyond this behavior. Apparently not.

I realized during my post-encounter rant that this is his way of maintaining control over our relationship. As long as I'm on pins and needles trying to figure out why he's upset, he maintains control.

So, instead, I will just withdraw from the situation. I am doing the things I am supposed to do, I am making my support payments when I am supposed to. I will continue to do that, and expect to see my son when I am supposed to see him, and if I get more "forgotten" callbacks or overnights with friends scheduled on the night when I am supposed to have him, I will make myself into a royal pain in the ass.

I'm rather good at that.

For those that might not know, my son lives with my ex (fka GoodMan). For more background, review the 100 Miles stuff.

Anyway, a couple of months ago, my ex started acting really wierd. He stopped meeting me on my days to pick up my son, instead sending his wife. When I called several times to talk to my son, no one returned my calls. I sent an email asking what the hell was going on, and didn't get a response. On nights when I was supposed to have my son, it would turn out that he didn't have time to meet me, or had scheduled an overnight for the Kid or some other bullshit reason (or refused to give any reason at all) to prevent me from seeing him on the days I am supposed to.

Then, when I confront him, he says "when he feels like it, we will talk."

Well, all I have to say is, fuck that mess. He can be mad at me as he wants to be, but if he thinks for a second that he's going to keep my son away from me, or restrict my contact with him, he better sit down and have a good think about that, because there will be a come to Jesus meeting the likes of which he has never before experienced. I am not even joking.

So. This year, my new year's resolution is: no more handing out control of my life to other people. It's ridiculous and stupid and self-destructive, and I'm just not gonna do it anymore.

So there.

Happy New Year!